With my love and my sadness I come before You Lord
My heart's in a thousand pieces Maybe even more
Yet I trust in this moment You're with me somehow
And You've always been faithful so Lord even now

When all that I can sing is a broken Hallelujah
When my only offering is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins
And I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise is a broken Hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing on me at every turn
How could I doubt Your goodness, Your wisdom, Your grace
Oh Lord hear my heart in this painful place

When all that I can sing is a broken Hallelujah
When my only offering is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins
And I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise is a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

                                                                                  ~By Mandissa~

This song has been so special to me lately. I've been really fighting some tough battles and what I have begun to realize is that no matter what happens I'm still loved by an amazing God and He deserves praise even when all I can sing is a broken Hallelujah. I am so blessed and I want to be content and grateful for God's blessings. Why do I struggle with trusting such a loving God? Why do I question His timing and the things He allows in my life that don't feel pleasant? HE has NOT failed me...I will continue to worship Him and choose to trust His heart.

The newest addition to the Nice family <3 Isn't he just precious!! <3 I just love being able to cuddle him!!

On a different note

... lately I've been shocked to see so many believers giving up values and teachings that come straight from God's Word. I've heard many excuses (which Satan is more than willing to provide) like "there is freedom in Christ and we need to stop living in bondage" or "we need to focus more on the principle" and many others! I'm not saying that these things aren't true I just don't think that God means for us to stop living the Kingdom life. I've been reading Matt. 7 and it's been personally convicting me also making me think about the things going on around me. I feel like I have new resolve about the life I choose to live. As I read through and got to the verse about the narrow way I tried to look at it from a different direction than what I've always thought it meant but there is really no getting around it. God really wants us to understand that being connected to Him and having Him flow out of us will set us APART from the way those around us live. Matt. 7: ¹³"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. I have to wonder how many times I have convinced myself that living in "the middle" is an ok way to live. Why is it so easy for me to live apathetically and without passion? Is it because there isn't really a pressure against apathy? I tend to shy away from passion...but isn't that the tendency? I am a bit sick of people trying to fake passion as well...not that I haven't done it myself. (maybe that's why I dislike it so much) It's one thing to talk passionately and to say all the right things and its a whole different story to live passionately. Lets just say that disciplined living or the lack thereof is easy to spot. Matt. 7:¹⁵"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. ¹⁶By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Sadly as I write this I have to say that I have this little sick feeling in the pit of my stomache...I'm convicted. I know that all too often I have talked the talk and not walked the walk. I realize too that before I expect anyone around me to be passionate I must learn to be just that. I must live closely connected to the vine. I guess this is a confession of sorts. I am tired of trying to "look" passionate and only "sounding" that way. I'm tired of telling people what to do instead of letting Christ work in my life and doing what He says I should. I want to live on the narrow away, allow Christ to work in me, I want to bear the fruit of Christ in my life, and I want to build my life on a firm Foundation.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  Matt. 7:24-25

  How many of you know that feeling when you finally get the hint...the one that has been lurking around and you just didn't want to face it. Maybe it's not so much "getting the hint" as much as it is accepting it. I would say that it's almost the same thing as facing reality but not totally. I don't know how to describe it but it feels like resigning or giving up the fight. There's a will inside that wants to keep fighting and ignoring that little "thing" that keeps popping up around you. For a while it's not hard to just push the little booger aside and keep plugging away but then there is that moment when you realize that nothing has really changed. You no longer can ignore it and inside you simply lose the drive to ignore it any longer. I hate the feeling...

  I recently had to deal with the feeling in more than one case. They were all very hard pills to swallow but the one has left a pit in my stomach. I just had to face the fact that I'm not a young girl anymore... that time has brought changes and more than likely NOTHING will simply go back to how it once was. I'm not so against change really but the realization that you have lived 23 years and those years are long gone and the memories are fading faster than you would like... it leaves me grasping for memories that I can't pull out as fast as I could before. I look at choices I made, some small and others life defining, and I wonder if I would do the same thing again. How do we face this reality...the "grown up world", the never stopping clock, ...age.

  My new resolve in this area is to think...ETERNITY.

  I don't know what I'll do with some of these other "realizations" but I will say that it feels SO wrong to simply resign my heart and let go of the will. It feels like defeat. I will search for new resolve but until then I think I will not resign or "just get over it"...no matter how stupid I feel... or look for that matter :)